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Echoes from the club meeting of the loafers
I see you have a new bearskin rug.
It was me or the bear.
I am glad it worked out. You’d make a lousy rug.
Driving through Bruce’s drive
I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his driveway, thoughts occur to me. A guy told me that he hit a deer with his Honda. It was the third time a car collided with a deer. The vehicle must think that it is its civic duty to kill the herd.
To make sure I didn’t run into a deer rude, I sat in my car planning to read a book until I had to be elsewhere. It was sunny but cool. A boy shot baskets in a nearby yard. His goosebumps turned brown.
He was dribbling. Boom, boom, boom or maybe it was boom, boom, boom. I am never sure which one. The tire had no network. There was no sweet sound of basketball buzzing in nothing but nylon. He is hot. The tire rattled. No basket. Colorful leaves flitted past, driven by a brisk wind. The radio had told me it was 16 miles an hour. He shot again and adjusted to the wind. The tire rattled again. He settled for what he had and prepared for the best.
It’s hard to miss rotting windows
If you don’t have the weather you like, you like the weather you get. But lock the hatches. Fill in the cracks of the house to prepare for winter. We had bad windows installed in our house. They quickly fell into disrepair. A company representative came into the house and told us there was too much moisture in the house. He claimed the problem was we showered, washed clothes, and washed dishes. Holy cow! What did we think I was hoping for compensation but he told me we were entitled to condensation.
Those exciting days from yesterday
We had a 5 second dropped grocery rule in our house, but it didn’t matter. We had a 3 second dog.
I was one of the first children to be picked up by the school bus in the morning. I got on board early because I was an Elite Premium Gold Royalty member. That meant I had the privilege of riding longer in a seat that jerked like a rodeo.
Customer Comments
Beth Knudson from Hartland shared this wisdom: “You get glasses for yourself and you get hearing aids for others.”
Marian Bahl von Faribault said of her husband: “Hezzy had a sentence to describe some sour lyre: You are not happy unless you are sad, and then you are not satisfied!”
I have learned
Anyone with a cell phone camera can become an unauthorized biographer.
If I button my shirt the wrong way, people will expect less of me.
Nature notes
According to the US Fish & Wildlife Service, an adult American white pelican consumes 20-40% of its body weight daily, which equates to 3-6 pounds of fish per day for an average weight of 15 pounds. It takes about 150 pounds of food to feed a chick from hatching to flying.
An insect landed on my shirt on a sunny autumn day. It looked like a large mosquito, but it doesn’t bite people. It was a crane fly with a 1.5 “long body and a 3” wingspan. In colloquial language, gnats are sometimes also called mosquito hawks or papa longlegs. To me, mosquito hawks are dragonflies, and daddy longlegs are the arachnids called harvestmen who are not spiders. They do not produce silk and are not poisonous. I found daddy longlegs with fewer than eight legs because they shed legs grabbed by predators and cannot grow back.
A researcher at Auburn University wondered what squirrels are talking about, and learned that the most common squirrel sounds are hazard warnings. The kuk is a sharp alarm bark that is usually issued in a row and is intended for other squirrels and predators. The study showed that when a squirrel starts chewing, a cat gives up knowing that it has lost the element of surprise.
The quaa sounds a bit like a cat’s screeching and is issued after the threat level drops. A quaa moan sounds like a chirp, followed by a meow. It is ventricular, which makes it difficult to pinpoint the location of the sound. It is given in the hope that the predator is gone, but it continues to suggest caution. Muk-muk is similar to a suppressed sneeze or a buzzing phfft, phfft. Nesting squirrels use it when hungry, and males do it on mating hunts.
Meeting adjourned
“As freely as the firmament embraces the world or the sun pours out its rays impartially, mercy must encircle friend and foe.” – Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller.
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