What’s Wrong With Daddy?: Keep Austin’s Doughnuts Weird | Lifestyles
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Austin, Texas is a city of paradoxes. It’s the capital of one of the most conservative states in the country – a state where you’ll likely feel out of place in some places if you don’t hide a gun in your underwear, but Austin is a city widely known for its ultra – Liberal social mores that allow some people to be comfortable strolling (or stumbling) downtown, just wearing their underwear – albeit as much.
Speaking of downtown Austin, I recently escorted a friend of mine to the state capital, supposedly to help him move the contents of an office, but it was really just an excuse for us to find new ways to counter riot our waistbands to commit.
Our food tour started on Austin’s famous 6th Street, known for its bars, clubs, restaurants and various body fluids. Indeed, this lovely avenue has echoes (and flavors) of Upper Bourbon Street in New Orleans, but with less professional nudity.
Because of the recent mass shootings there, I was a little reluctant to walk around Dirty 6th – even at 10 a.m. – but since my boyfriend is a former army medic with biceps the size of my torso, I thought we’d be in it Order. Also, our first target was donuts, and no wave of national crime would stand between us and the dear deep-fried carbohydrate leader.
Specifically, it was about Voodoo Donut, a mashup from a traditional donut shop, a punk rock concert and a psychedelic cartoon. The voodoo donut storefront, sticking out like a sore thumb with light pink nail polish, was partially obscured by the official 6th Street welcoming committee made up of several half-naked beggars (or possibly hungover University of Texas students). In any case, none of them accepted credit cards.
Having previously tried the bohemian delights of the Voodoo Donut Location on Colfax Avenue in Denver, Colorado, I knew exactly how to punish my pancreas in that location. I ordered the Grape Ape (a vanilla glazed donut with a hint of something that tastes like a purple pixie stick), the O Captain, My Captain (a vanilla glazed donut adorned with crunch berry granola), and the voodoo doll (a humanoid form). chocolate-glazed donut, filled with raspberry blood and with a pretzel stick as a stake). In the spirit of Austin’s progressive stance on indecent exposure, I may or may not have dared and also bought a body-part donut that only an intermediate-level criminal (or two adult men) would find weird.
My friend is currently on a strict diet program, so he limited his order to a voodoo doll and a maple bacon bar (a maple frost bar covered with two massive strips of bacon). Our arteries still don’t speak to us.
After our office move, we decided to identify ourselves again as hungry for lunch in the legendary Hula Hut on Lake Austin. This Hawaiian-themed Tex-Mex eatery has several open air dining areas that give us amazing views of the water and lakeside houses that cost even more than a school wear shopping spree with my three teenage daughters. I decided to eat lightly this time, so I had the Chicken and Guacamole Tubular Taco, which was about the size of my right leg, served by a warm but ailing bartender who had been on 6th Street the night before seemed to have spent and could very well be? had Voodoo Donut’s Maple Blazer Blunt for breakfast.
We spent the drive back to northeast Texas digesting vigorously (and loudly) while rocking to 1980s headbands. We only made one stop – at the world famous Round Rock Donuts for some of their unique and delicious orange / yellow glazed donuts because … donuts.
When I got home I needed a hot shower, a 50 gallon Pepto Bismol drum, and a marathon prayer meeting. It was a good day with a great friend and delicious, death-accelerating cuisine.
If you get the chance, go to Austin and try the weirdness for yourself. After an appointment with your gastroenterologist and local pastor, you will feel normal again in no time.
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