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Politics and Pop Culture
● The Texas Lege only meets every two years. It should be every 10.
● 9-1-1: Lone Star is the best Austin firefighter show filmed in LA, starring Rob Lowe. It’s the worst too.
● Dirty Sixth is a downtown street, state of mind, and 100 percent accurate description.
Technology and wellness
● Yoga is very popular here – especially with yoga teachers.
● You can all stop drooling about Tesla, SpaceX and Dogecoin on Twitter. Elon Musk will never be your friend.
● If you blink, your old favorite bar or bowling alley is being replaced with a Vegan Juicery / Labradoodle Day Spa.
McMansions and Mortgage Taxes
● Most places find it embarrassing to swing something. Steiner Ranch is not one of those places.
● It’s okay to hate Westlake, you’re only human.
● Not everyone at Jenga Tower is a 24-year-old USC graduate named Chad. It’s only 71 percent of it.
Tex-Mex, “cue and other edibles”
● Waiting longer for the barbecue than for the birth is considered normal here.
● Austin BBQ is amazing. Dallas BBQ is McRib.
● Queso is a food group.
● Whole Foods = “expensive place where people frown” in Austin.
The “great” nature
● Austin is going to be less cool the day after you moved here … but not what you think.
Every storm here dies, weakens, or bends around Austin. Buy a sprinkler.
● Think about your worst flu ever. Cedar Fever is laughing at this shit right now.
Driver Ed
● 2222 is the name of the street and how often you fall almost every time you drive on it.
● You can even pay to go slower here. We call it an Express Lane.
● The bigger the truck, the smaller the driver.
● There is a 57 percent chance your leg will be mangled by a scooter on a sidewalk. That is a decrease of 93 percent in 2019.
● McConaughey loves MoPac and hates I-35.
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